I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
