and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
