Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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