The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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