We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
