When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
