she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
