Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
