I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
