How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
