I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
