My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
