I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
