I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
