Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
