No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
