This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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