based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it's like iHOP with fire
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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