I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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