she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The best revenge is premature balding
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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