I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
