And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i now understand why vodka
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
