I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
