Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
