so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
