i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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