just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
