Pants 0. Shit 1.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
