this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
