I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
