He is such a slut. More and more my type.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
