there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
