She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
