ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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