I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
