Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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