the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
