I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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