I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
