I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
