Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
