I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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