wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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