Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
