you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
