I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
