i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
