Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
