This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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