hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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