Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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