I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
