I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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